The Queer Grits Anthology

The Queer Grits Anthology

as i was preparing for creating facebook content for a friend i saw “The Queer Grits Anthology” in my time line. of course due to my curious nature i learned it is a collection of poems by southern lesbian women. GRITS-Girls Raised In The South- An Anthology of Southern Queer Womyns’ Voices and Their Allies.

after reading some of the quotes my spirit was fed because when it comes to loving a woman and being truly in love i know what it feels like…i can say my gf gave me life…she inspired me to be better and although she’s not here in physical i know her spirit remains and guiding me to continue to love and love fearlessly. oh, how i miss you my love SSS.

Your Doll Face,Amanda

Get Lifted(John Legend)

i decided to get up before the break of dawn and start sending resumes out because right now i am working as a free lance designer and my spirit is urging for more fulfillment ….as i was revising my resume to find that dream job “Get Lifted” by John Legend blasted through my earbuds by way of “PANDORA”…instantly I broke down missing my girlfriend desperately. my spirit and body calls out for her presence. i have been desperately trying to make sense of why she’s not here. constantly asking God/Divine to provide me with understanding and wisdom yet when death strikes how do you “trust”? How do you trust that all will be okay when your heart has been shattered. i feel broken..my heart is broken, my spirit is broken and right now i feel sad and alone and struggling to rebuild all that i am.

the lyrics of “Get Lifted” resonated with my spirit and i wanted to share it with you. Listen to the lyrical content and see how it may touch your spirit because it touched mines.

Here are some of the lyrics

” I’ve got something new for you
when it gets you wont know what to do
Relax, let me move u
dont resist its in the air
just one taste will take u there
let it flow right through u
I know ur getting tired of the same ole thing
Imma break the rules gonna change the game
You’ll be screaming my name
and imma take u places u neva seen
u couldnt picture this in your wildest dreams
Don’t fear you’re here with me”

If I Stay -Official Movie Trailer

a close friend just text me and reminded me of the movie “If I Stay”. i remembered being at the movies and seeing the trailer. it all resonated with me because i can relate because that my life “at this present moment”.

i am really not sure where all these words will lead but i hope someone is inspired enough to believe in love, to believe in intuition and believe in life after death. there have been times i have doubted myself, there have been times i thought i was going crazy but this movie continues to confirm to me that the love i shared and continue to share is definitely REAL. today, i would like to share the “If I Stay” trailer with you.

share your thoughts.

Begin with Yes

There’s a page I follow on Facebook just to help me go about my day in a positive fashion and to remember me all is well despite my sorrows and heartache ..this post today resonated with me in such a way it confirms the love of my life is right here with me.

I love you forever and always S.S.S

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Inhale Love

it’s been awhile since i have last posted and it seems so much has happened. who would have thought it would have been 7 months since my gf passed. oh, how i think of her daily. i know shes constantly with me.

i finally found someone else who has experience the same synchronicities as I. her mom passed and she has been seeing 111 and 1111 constantly. she also received a phone call from 111-111-1111 but there was no one on the other end. she knew it was her mom. 

 

the same with me. i am constantly seeing 111 all the time and i am forever grateful for the presence of my gf. finally, i am able to inhale. although i miss her like crazy i know she has started another journey. i am grateful for meeting her. she changed my life and i know i have changed hers. it is amazing how love will change who you are on a cellular level.

 

two and three cheers to love.

Never Loved Like This

despite the past relationships i have been in i have never loved like this before. the love i continue to share with my gf on the other side continues to grow although she’s not here in physical form. sometimes i wonder how i would have survived without my friend Dee, the spiritual medium being able to communicate my inner most thoughts and desires . i never knew it was possible to love someone so much that you feel like you can’t breathe without their presence. i find myself feeling more vulnerable. i am afraid i will not love like this again. i am afraid of being alone. i . am. afraid. i miss my gf. i miss every aspect of her.

never have i thought that i would be able to see signs from her from the spirit world. subtle signs from songs from the radio to numbers. i don’t always know what message she has for me but i do know when i see 111 its a sign that she’s in my presence. no, i am no psychic but it gives me peaces knowing i know what 111 means. never did i think i would lose someone so dear to my heart. someone who inhale every entity of my being. someone i regret now allowing myself to be completely vulnerable with due to the fear of love with no control . fear of being vulnerable..fear of abandonment.

she asked me recently why didn’t i show her how much i loved her when she was here and the reason being is because i was so afraid of her. although all the signs were pointing to how amazing she was..i was afraid. now, i live in regret b/c those moments i can’t get back regardless how much i try and wish i could turn back the hands of time. i wake up hoping i am only dreaming. missing her like crazy. wishing she would visit me in my dreams so i can see her. all i can do is take one day at a time.

i find myself talking to her hoping she’s receiving my messages. she continues to tell Dee to tell me to continue to live my life and that is one promise i have made to myself- not to give up but to continue to remember the love we shared…to take the love with me.

i’ll always love you SSS..to you ..to me..to us..

1+1=1